Hi. I do not get dressed up for the gym. I look like a haggard mess and then I sweat a crap ton, adding to the haggard-ness even more. And guess what. I don’t care! What’s up with all these other chicks dressing up like they’re going to a MISSED CONNECTION? Sisters, please.
Ok, time to get RIPPED.
I’m serious this time. Just like I was all the other times. But this time. Really, I am. How do we know I’m serious: because I’m blogging about it.
I’m coming to realize how accountable one becomes of themselves when they put things down in writing. Especially in a public domain. It kind of adds a new layer of pressure and expectation on oneself (wow, I sound so formal this morning-sometimes I forget I’m not writing a college paper….[ever again]). For a gal who is often severly discipline-challenged, this is a bright and promising approach. AND SO, in spirit of all the ”healthly/lets get fit/lets feel good” posts I’ve been reading lately (love it), I’m composing my own. BOOM.
Let me start off by saying this. Honestly? I’m pretty comfortable with my body image. At 135lbs / 5’7 / Size 6 jeans (size 4 at the GAP #reasonsilovethegap) I sit comfortably. Does this mean I don’t have a collection of physical insecurities? HECK NO, mamas! Of course I do. I’m human. And those magazines and those televisions sure like to flash images at us constantly that make ALL of us feel like much less than we are. It’s annoying, I agree with you. But, I’ve managed to not let those things get to me. I don’t stress over my flaws, I don’t demand the lights be turned off when I’m getting intimate with someone, I don’t “stay-in” because I feeling like I’m “too fat” to go out (seriously ladies–don’t be hatin’ on yourself like that-it’s ridiculous. GO OUT and have a fun time. No one is seriously going to be looking over at you at any point of the night and think, “wow, she’s not thin enough to be outside her home enjoying this fine Friday evening.” Are you kidding me? NO. That DOESN’T happen. If you’re feeling a little less hot than usual, just put on something that flatters your figure. Put on some black. Put on some lipstick (easiest boost of confidence right there). And maybe have a a glass of wine or two before your GFs pick you up. But whatever you do, don’t let your insecurities rob you of your Friday evening. You’re robbing yourself in the process.) And most of all, I certainly don’t say no to cupcakes when I really want one. To enjoy life means to enjoy cupcakes. It’s ok. All is OK in moderation.
To go back to the bit about having the light turned off during moments of intimacy (sorry, not my most organized post here. Now I remember, I’m not writing a college paper.) I wanna share a quick little piece of reassurance that was delivered to me once by a dude friend of mine. I don’t even know how the conversation started, but somehow I think I mentioned the fear/insecurity of taking your clothes off in front of a guy for the first time, and how you worry about what they may think. To which, this friend of mine, quickly responded with, “Jen. We’re guys. What girls need to understand about guys, is that when a girl is taking her clothes off in front of us, the last thing we are thinking about is how her physical appearance is disappointing us in anyway. We’re not even thinking about that at all. The only thing we’re thinking is, ‘she’s taking her clothes off!!!’ We’re excited about it. Especially, if it’s a girl we’re really interested in.” Pretty straightforward outlook from a dude person, no doubt. But there is depth there in what he said, and it has stuck with me ever since. I don’t demand the lights to be turned off. I never have. But while I have thought about it in the past and almost wished it at times out of fear of judgement, I don’t anymore.
I’m content with the way I look. I’m freckly and curvy like my Brazilian mama, and I’ve got assets I should stop taking for granted so often. BUT, there is always room for improvement, right kids?
Right. So I wanna tone up. I’ve managed to maintain the same weight (give or take a few pounds) since high school and that, in itself, is something to be proud of given all the stress that I’ve juggled since June 2005. But there’s been areas of FLAB all along that I have been meaning to tackle. At times, I have, but then it’s back to one toooo many jelly beans and BOOM, it’s back. Well. This time around I don’t just wanna FIGHT THE FLAB! but I want to KILL IT. For good. Do you see the serious-ness and ferocity in my all caps there? Yeah, this is for real.
Cause not only do I want to look good better for New York/the summer of my 25th birthday, but there is no doubt that being active and taking care of your body as best you can, makes you feel good. Even if you can’t physically see the changes right away, your mentality shifts immediately for the better. It really does. You have more energy and you have more confidence. Facts.
I’ve been running long distance on and off since I was 14. (Ran Cross Country in both HS and junior college) and I want the discipline and intensity of all of that back. I wanna seriously be like one of those crazy frequent marathon runners and/or Jillian Michaels. Well, maybe not that ripped, no offense, Jilly, but I just wanna be able to comfortably wear dresses like this awesome new one, with out fear that people are judging my back fat. Cause sometimes, even with the lipstick on and the glass of wine or two you still irrationally freak out that people are having entire conversations about the visible flaws your sporting. #thatslife #thatsbeinghuman #thatsbeingagirlinthisdayandage #america.